the thing with Spring...

JOY JOY JOY It is to wake to a day of sunshine! I'm not pretending to believe that from here to the end of October will be weatherly biss (but wouldn't it be wonderful) but I am deeply excited about the beginning of spring and how it has unsettled my melencholy mood.

I took pictures of the chicken's at mum's finally in there new ark, and the first lambs born this year, so sweet and curious. Comet definately senses spring as he is becoming a little frisky in his stable.




I have been pondering alot lately on my life. About relationships. Off which I have little common sense or luck. I really do miss the comfort a relationship brings, expecting someone home for tea, sofa evenings, doing things together, laughing with someone. I have now been single over a year, and part of me feels is it much to early for me to want to move on, I have a son now, a young son, is it possible to move on. Seth is indeed my world.
I have spent winter in the deepest of moods at times and as I lay in bed last night I realised this, I have got through the first Jan/Feb in 4 years that has not been laced with some relationship turmoil. That hasn't ment I have been yet again felt rejected within my relationship, or that I haven't foolishly decided it will work, just one more try. This year I couldn't be hurt, I was single, I got through Jan/Feb unscaved. I made it to the Spring without feeling my heart might be pulled out. All that feeling down through the beginning of the new year and then I realise why.
In the same light, as much as I do crave to be in a loving relationship, it can't be forced and I now see the time isn't right. To feel such relief at not having the same tragic pattern repeat itself says alot. It certianly says I really couldn't deal with any hiccups a new relationship may bring. Not yet. So I step into spring a single woman still, and all the better for it. I have had a lot to get my little head around these past few years. Perhaps this is my time to grow, and flower. To have fun being me, being Seth's mama, being Daisy's mama and to hope in my heart when the healing is done, when I can laugh a little more with myself, that I may possibly find love, one where I don't need to ever feel, just one more try.